Saturday, October 3, 2009

Dreams of My Father

My dad taking pictures at Bodie State Park

October is going to be a hard month for me. We're coming up on the one year anniversary (I hate using that word, an anniversary seems like a celebration not a sad occurrence) of my dad's death.

My dad walking me down the aisle

I remember sitting in KFC with a few of my co-workers on a Friday at lunch and getting the phone call that forever changed my life. While my dad officially passed away on October 18th, I almost feel like October 10th is the actual date of his passing since that is when he had his heart attack and never recovered.

Dad holding his granddaughter for the first time

A couple of nights ago I dreamt of my dad and woke up sobbing. I dreamt that my dad, whom I couldn't directly see--only reflections--but I could hear, like in a Ken Burns' documentary, was telling me how proud he was of me and of Kiersta. He also said that he knew about Kyle and that he was watching over all of us, looking out for us. He told me that I could let go of missing him so much. It was a good dream, but it still made me so sad.

Kiersta and my parents on a hike in Alum Rock Park

To commemorate my dad's passing, my family will be going on a hike and/or having a picnic, having dinner, and looking at old slides--these were some of my dad's favorite activities and seem like a good way to memorialize him. This is all still so hard. I know it has to get easier, but when?

The whole family