Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The End of it All

I haven't written since mid-September, but I think about writing all of the time.  After so much time has passed, I just don't even know where to begin.  I think the thing that has kept me from writing is the death of my dad on October 18th.  I keep thinking that I need to write about him, but I just haven't had the mental energy to do so.  I'm not sure that I have the energy even today.  One of my friends suggested that I just move on and not get bogged down and that's what I think I will do--thanks Cristin.

I will say that I miss my dad much more than I ever thought possible.  He was a good man but he more often than not bugged the crap out of me and I had little tolerance for his whack-a-doo ideas and beliefs.  He was super stubborn, a lot like me in fact.  The thing is, he absolutely adored Kiersta, and she him.  I am so sorry that the two of them will not be able to spend time together anymore.
This is the final picture I took of my dad and Kiersta together, less than a month before he passed away.

The other piece of news that has kept me from writing, is the fact that I have been super tired for the past three months or so.  I'm just not a very good pregnant lady.  My body does not like all of the hormones coursing through me and fights back on a near daily basis.  I didn't know I was pregnant at the time of my dad's death--I thought many of my symptoms were wrapped up in my grief and anxiety of the situation at hand.  While grief may have contributed, I now know the full story.  It is hard to be so happy and so sad at the same time.  I so wish my dad could have been told in person that he was going to be a Morfar (grandfather) again.  I have to believe that he does know in his own way though.

So there you have it, the death of my dad and the upcoming birth in mid-June of our second child.  As the cliche' says, when one door closes, another opens.  Cliches are said for a reason though and this one is definitely true for me right now.  I'm hoping that with 2008 ending I can put away my guilt over not writing and bring in a sense of renewed optimism for life with 2009.

Wishing everyone a very happy new year!

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